Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in lindylou28's LiveJournal:

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Friday, April 24th, 2009
10:57 pm	I really don't have to sit back and be spoken to like you are so much better than me. I know what I'm worth... (Comment on this)
Sunday, April 19th, 2009
9:40 pm	Thats fine... With only a few weeks left I can suck it up. Yet, I just wonder at this rate and with all the excuses for actions how we will do when all of this is said done. I'm tired of being a push over and I really don't have to take it anymore. I do have feelings too. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, September 15th, 2008
9:34 pm	I don't know...its pointless even when I attempt to defend myself. Maybe I should just stop talking except to those that care about what I have to say and generally who I am as a person. (Comment on this)
9:09 pm	I don't want to be put down like this anymore. Some days I think May can't come soon enough. At least I'm going out of town Thursday... It will be nice to be around people that I know sincerely love me and are not just with me because it has been convenient.... Current Mood: uncomfortable (Comment on this)
Friday, March 28th, 2008
11:24 am	Oh the things I would do for descent parents.... whatever....I guess I better get used to it because I can't change them (Comment on this)
Friday, February 29th, 2008
5:15 pm	aarrrrrgghhhh..........my mother... I really wish she would just grow the fuck up! (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 13th, 2008
10:50 am	I'm glad you miss me so much because I am home so very often....whatever. And you wonder why I don't make you a priority when I'm home...maybe because other people actually notice that I'm gone and miss me... You're just full of excuses because you are too afraid to make a 4 hour drive to come see your own daughter. Is is jealousy or do you just not care.... Its fine, I've been taking care of myself for a very long time now! Screw You! Current Mood: annoyed (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 3rd, 2008
8:13 pm	Life is good Current Mood: cheerful (Comment on this)
Monday, December 3rd, 2007
10:12 am	Its starting to feel a lot like Christmas... Buuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! (Comment on this)
Saturday, November 17th, 2007
8:49 pm	Its pretty much all down hill from here! :-D Current Mood: cheerful (Comment on this)
Saturday, November 3rd, 2007
8:27 pm	So my father has a girlfriend. I'm really not sure how I feel about that. I suppose I should be happy for him that he may have found someone that brings joy to his life, but at the same time it frustrates me and makes me very sad. My father has no room in his heart for me and nothing I have ever done has been enough, but now some strange woman comes along that he has probably opened himself up to and talks to about important issues. Why cant I be important enough to make time for and resolve our issues? A part of me wants this woman to be a psychotic crack head to fit the unstable person that he is, but another part of me wants to believe that he is changing and maybe some woman will make him a better person. What if she is the key to make him learn compassion again and then maybe my father and I can begin to form a relationship again? Or what if she is just another reason that him and I will remain nonexistent to one another? I wonder if he has even told her about me....what does she think of me? What kind of stories has she heard if she has heard anything at all? Why is it that I feel so vulnerable in the opinion of this complete stranger? What I would give to have a father who cares about me...? And if this isnt frustrating enough to digest I also have the current problem that Matt probably is not going to be able to come this weekend. I rearranged my work schedule and I have all of this chaos that last few days and the next few days and its all in vain. His work wouldn't let him have his vacation that he has earned and it truly saddens me. I miss him so much and with everything going on I need him to hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright, but from 280 miles that is physically impossible... Sometimes I don't know if I honestly have all the emotional strength to overcome all of these struggles in my life. (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 14th, 2007
8:35 pm	I just really want it to be Wednesday...then I will feel like I matter again. Time never gives me what I want. I just hope to get through all this with dignity and grace. (Comment on this)
Thursday, September 27th, 2007
10:43 pm	I dont want to do this anymore...but what choice do I really have? No time is ever enough and I just feel so fed up... He's all that I want but its almost more than I can handle. "I'm tired of this distance And I believe it's over, It's over-rated And this phone tag game is endless The novelty is wearing I'm hoping time will pass without any assistance or convincing Road rules apply There's so much action, You're getting busy So I'll call your cellular phone To tell you TV night was lonely without you And so am I... so am I It seems our day keeps falling on a leap year So many high points on this last leg I can't wait to recount them It seems like nothings happened until I've shared them with you" I just want to feel better. Im not going to quit, but I guess I should just expect for this to continue to suck every damn day. Current Mood: depressed (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 11th, 2007
5:37 pm	Well thats it...I will be attempting to rise out of my bed in approximately 13 hours and by 8am leaving for Oxford. This has been a summer of many ups and downs and I have felt more like an adult this summer than ever before; Im not ready to let go but I know that its time. I also know that this year has the potential of being one of the best semesters I have ever had at Miami... Current Mood: hopeful (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, May 4th, 2007
10:11 am	All my finals are complete.....all my stuff is packed......as soon as Ryan, Amanda and Matt are here Im going HOOOMMMMEEEEE!!!!! Yay for summer break! (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 2nd, 2007
9:33 pm	Ahhhhhhhhhh! In approximately 35 hours life will be practically perfect; my finals will be complete and I will be packing to go HOME! Im so glad Ryan, Manda and Matt are all coming to help me move out! It will be great to see the three of them! This semester has done a fair job of kicking me in the ass and I couldnt be more ready to go where I seem to belong the most! Heres to the end of sophomore year and potentially the best summer of my entire life!!! :) Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooowhooooooooooooooooooooo! (Comment on this)
Friday, April 27th, 2007
11:21 pm	The Clock is Ticking.... In about a week I will be home! I had my last classes of the semester today and I have my last two catering shifts, until August anyways, tomorrow and Sunday and then finals here I come! This summer is going to be absolutely amazing and its only a week away!!! :) Current Mood: mellow Current Music: The Labyrinth Soundtrack (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 12th, 2007
1:10 pm	: / Do you ever find yourself extremely frustrated and mad at someone and you know they dont have a clue and you dont even know why you are all that mad? I feel pretty upset today and I dont have a real reason why; I just am. I hate that Im projecting it at someone else when they really have nothing to do with why Im so sad. I have a lot of stress to deal with over the next four days and Im just feeling pretty low. I just want to close my eyes and have it be 3 weeks and one day from now and I just find myself feeling rather alone lately. Everyone is so busy; Im so busy. I dont even have time for people if there was anyway that people could be here for me because I really need it. I find myelf feeling like Im about to snap and have somewhat of a breakdown. Im sick of working my ass off and seeing no benefits from it. I just really wanted to do well this semester and despite my best efforts Im watching my GPA slip below a 3.0 and thats enough to make me sick. I dont know whats wrong with me today....I sure hope this passes quickly because I have a lot on my plate and I dont even have the time to feel this way. Oh well, Im sure summer will be here before I know it. I just hope I dont go crazy before I get there..... Current Mood: crappy (Comment on this)
Friday, April 6th, 2007
10:58 pm	Well its been a while... Sometimes I cant believe how fast time goes. I see the days flying rapidly above my head and I just want to hold onto something and then I realize that I just need to go along for the ride and enjoy its flow. This semester, well basically this entire year, has most definitely changed me. Ive spent a lot of time alone, a lot of time learning who I am again. I feel as though I see my life and the many aspects of it in a new light. It doesnt seem to matter how bad and exhausting my day was or if I spent all of it without saying a single word to anyone around me, being that there are many times where no one is around, I still seem to find myself going to bed pleasantly content. Maybe its because I feel myself coming into my own; I feel my life being molded around my dreams. Or maybe its because I know Im loved. My family is more put together than its been in years, I have so many great friends, old and new, and I am proud to say that I am head over heals in love with a really amazing person. Despite the monotony of school, work, studying and all that jazz of everyday life; I can see my deepest desires and hopes for my future twinkling in front of me. I am happy, truly and honestly happy. In 4 short weeks I will be home...home for the summer....the summer that I will be turning twenty one. Me...lol...turning twenty one, this seems slightly unreal to me. I am so elated with the direction my life is going but sometimes I cant believe Im even in the position that Im in. Im not saying I dont deserve it; Ive worked hard and I know I deserve all the joy that my life holds for me now but when I think of all the times Ive cried and felt hopeless, its hard to believe I finally made it here. Its also weird to think that not only is this semester almost over but that means Im halfway done with my undergraduate career! That alone I feel is such an accomplishment to be able to say; especially with the family I came from. I am currently further than anyone before me has ever gotten and the self pride that comes from that is overwhelmingly joyful at times. I see that my life is exactly where its supposed to be and I basically love it! Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: The Proclaimers (Comment on this)
Monday, January 15th, 2007
11:12 pm	Going Insane So I have no life...Well actually I have a fabulous life its just that everything that is fabulous about my life is about 4 or more hours away. I dont know if Ive ever felt so homesick and Im pretty sure it doesnt help that I just keep wallowing in self pity and confining myself in this wretched room. The thing is, Im not depressed at all, quite the contrary; Im actually quite happy about my life. Im just not adjusting to being in a familiar place yet feeling so alien at the same time. I miss people. When Im home i pretty much have an over exposure to people and can barely get a moment to myself without someone freaking out about me not spending enough time with them but now Ive been here for a week and I can count on my left hand how many social things Ive done. I realize this is my own fault, for the most part, and I really need to make some sort of an effort to making friends but Im finding myself without any motivation. There are benefits to my current situation being that I have been getting all my homework done way ahead of time and I dont feel so rushed or anything but its all making it hard for me to appreciate this place. I should be ecstatic everyday that Im here doing what i always wanted at Miami University but instead I just feel like hiding under my covers until May. I feel emotionally overwhelmed and I really miss Matt... (Comment on this)